“Yeah,” said Harry, “And for purposes of plot exposition I need you to explain what Horcruxii are.”
“Horcruxii are thingamajiggies that contain the whozeewhatsis of you know who—“
“Don’t get technical on me you mangy gasbag.”
“Who are you calling mangy?” asked the disheveled wizard wearing worn robes as he played with a moth eaten hole in the robe.
“Forget it. Get back to your polysyllabic dissertation. Just put it into plain English.”
“A Horcrux contains a piece of a person’s sole.”
“You mean S-O-U-L, right?”
“Whatever,” Bumblebore said making a dismissive gesture with his wand. Four cars in the loading/unloading zone were thrown into the air.
“Whoops. better put this away,” he said sheepishly. Several sheep driving by in a Renault gave him the hoof.
“Go on, get on with it,” said Harry peevishly. Fortunately for the author, Peeves was still ensconced in the the bewitching Smogworts School of Wizarding.
“Right, where was I?” Bumblebore took a moment to read the preceding page. “So, Count Wal D’Mart has—“
“Count Wal D’Mart? I thought he was Lord Wal D’Mart.”
“He was. He needed money so he pawned his title for the needed scratch and dropped down to a Count.”
“Huh. Well okay.”
“You know my boy, all this talkifying dries out the vocalization cords.” Bumblebore made disgusting smacking sounds with his lips and tongue. “D’ya s’pose we might retire over to yon libation station for a liquefied refreshment?”
“You mean go over to the bar for a drink?”
Bumblebore put one foot behind the other and did an ‘aw shucks’ move though, since it was under his robes, this was blocked from view of anyone but the omniscient narrator and a couple of mice that fell out of an inner pocket.
“Well, yes, I would love a drink,” Bumblebore said. “I would gladly pay you Tuesday for a Harvey Wallbanger today.”
By this time Hermione had made it through the line in the little witches room and washed her hands. She walked quickly toward the two wizards, that is toward Harry and Bumblebore—a length of toilet paper trailed behind her, stuck to her foot.
To be continued…