The Week’s What Next? Contest/Feb. 20, 2009

The Week’s “What Next?” Contest (emailed entries are due to whatnext@theweek.com by 5 p.m. Eastern Time, Monday, Feb. 16.) revolves around flight Aeroflot 315’s drunken pilot incident where passengers made enough of a fuss about the apparent intoxication of their pilot, they were able to have him removed and replaced.

According to an article on the London Times Online:

One [Areoflot official] sought to reassure [passengers] by announcing that it was “not such a big deal” if the pilot was drunk because the aircraft practically flew itself.

The Week’s Challenge:

Please come up with a takeoff announcement that might tip off plane passengers that the pilot is too soused to fly.

What the heck. Here’s the entry I sent to “whatnext@theweek.com”:

Good after-noon ladies and germs,This you’re your captain drinking. Welcome to Flight Fwee-Five-Fo-Fum, non-stop from wherever the hell we are right now to Dallas or Dulles or one of those places that begins with the letter “d.” This is a non-smoking flight, but the government has not yet made it non-drinking. Trust me on this one when I tell you that the lovely Maya who just demonstrated how to put a life preserver on, though I think we can safely say she doesn’t need one. Am I right or what? Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, drinking. Maya mixes a terrific bloody Mary. So, drinks on the house; have her mix you one of those tomato smoothies, sit back, relax, and enjoy our flight to Denmark.

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