A Brief Retread, er, Recap
As you may recall (and simply not care, you can be that way, if you like), Harry Splutter and his friends, Hermione and Der Weasel, are on a quest to find and then destroy Horcruxes (or Horcruxii in Latinate) in order to defeat the e-vile Count Wal D’Mart.
While trying to get through airport security with a Horcrux locket, the TSA dementor (Now that Count Wal D’Mart and Dick Cheney ran things, the more trustworthy goblin screeners had been replaced by rule-oriented dementors) discovered their secret and they ran away (Harry et. al. ran away, not the dementors). During their search for a hiding place, they ran into Bumblebore, who took them to a dark hiding spot, a Three Broomsticks Express, where magical persons concocted magic potions (such as Long Island Iced teas). There, Bumblebore explained that “Horcruxii” are a portion of a magical person’s sole. “When a wizard does something bad, like jaywalking, a piece of the sole is torn away and placed in a container,” thereby “making the wizard, as it were, immortal…if he, or she, can remember his or her shoe size.”
He might have explained more but, once again, they were discovered. During this run through the concourse, they ran into the formerly “Randolf the Russet,” now “Randolf the Burnt Sierra” (since it’s fire season here in California and 800-plus square miles of vegetative stuff have been scorched).
Bitter enemies (due to a disputed bar bet that neither remembers any more), Randolf and Bumblebore began beating each other with their fists. Harry stopped the fight by disarming the wizards, literally. Before the limbs could be corralled and reattached, Harry’s archrival Drano Fauntleroy burst through the terminal doors along with his henchmen, The Crabs and Boil.
Drano ‘Little Lord’ Fauntleroy, Crabs, and The Boil looked resplendent in their Branchwater Security Agency uniforms. Branchwater (contracted by the Bush Administration’s Transportation Security Administration to provide security at airports) was a subsidiary of KBR (Kookla, Bran, and Rolly), a subsidiary Halliburton, who, in turn, were a subsidiary of Arbusto Energy and Dairy). Resplendent or not, they shot at our plucky band.
Harry and the others in the plucky band ran out to the street. Harry thrust out his thumb to point where he thought they should go. Shun Standpipe and the McClatchy (formerly the Knight-Ridder) bus magically appeared (since Shun couldn’t turn down a cameo on a seldom-read blog).
Presently, the pluckmeisters are in the McClatchy Bus as it hurtles through London at astonishing speeds, magically morphing as it squeezes between or around cars, taxis, lorries, jitneys, and fairies; in search of a plot point.
To be continued in an upcoming episode: The Band Splits
Nullius in Verba 