Study Finds People Like Study Findings

THE WEEK magazine’s contest for this week involved studies that state the obvious:

A new study has determined that the closer teenagers live to a lot of liquor stores, the more likely it is that they will drink. Astounding! Please invent another scientific study that proves the obvious and provide the headline for that study. For example: Students Who Study Outperform Those Who Don’t on Tests, New Study Finds.

Here were the ones I cooked up, the one with the star is the one I sent in:

  • Study finds military better at nation breaking than nation building.
  • Study finds similarly hued grass on the other side.
  • Study finds other grasses to be greener.
  • Study finds a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
  • Study finds birds in the bush to be overrated.
  • Study finds avians eschew congregating amongst similarly feathered cohort.
  • Study concludes ‘more study needed’ into whether more studies are needed.*

What studies would you suggest?

My Oh My, How the Time Does Fly

John Stewart, arguably the greatest American songwriter since Wood Guthrie, left us one year ago. During his life, he wrote more than six hundred songs about America from the viewpoint of the “wingless angels,” those who drove the trucks and did the jobs that kept the country alive. He’s best known for being a member of the Kingston Trio (1961–1967).

The Trio were a nightclub act who performed at places like the hungry i, Sahara Tahoe, etc. If you are interested in hearing what they sounded like live, try Once Upon a Time. You can find that album and others, here.

Here’s I’m Goin’ Home sung by Nick Reynolds1, Bob Shane, John Stewart.

As great as the Kingston Trio were (and they were great), he was much more than that. You can hear a little of what I mean here. His songs were recorded by The Monkees (Daydream Believer), Rosanne Cash (Runaway Train), Nanci Griffith, Joan Baez, The Beat Farmers, The Four Tops and others.

1Nick Reynolds also passed from our midst in 2008

The Week's "What Next?" Contest

THE WEEK (motto: All You Need to Know About Everything That Matters) is a great weekly news magazine. We love it. It’s full of great writing from all over the world.

Well, last week on the last page they added something new, a contest. The prize was one year’s subscription to The Week. We were asked to come up with the opening (first five sentences or so) of a romance novel starring Sarah Palin. I entered but didn’t win. Their winner is here.

Here are my and Mary’s entries:

Sarah whispered into his ear, “I thought guys like you were only in, you know, books. Not only can you can field strip and clean a Glockenspiel TRX-7 assault rifle, but you know about my, well. . . everything, even my plumbing.” She winked.

“Yeah, well, when you’ve watched Red Dawn as many times as I have, you learn a thing or two about guns.” He fished his plumber’s snake into Sarah’s cleaning outlet. “And plumbing’s easy. You don’t need a fancy license or nothin’. Just have to know that water seeks its own level.”

Sarah moved closer. “Just like me and you, huh?”


* * *

“If it were wrong, why would God make it feel so good?” Sarah bit her lip and fiddled with the top button of her blouse. “I mean, God does work in really mysterious ways doesn’t he?”

Joe set the toilet on top of the wax ring. “I guess so.”

“Say you don’t know, Joe.” She winked into the mirror. “Sure he does. How else would I have been given a charge card with unlimited credit for my new wardrobe? God knew I needed it.”

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On to this week’s contest, “the next dumb study.” If you’re interested, entries are emailed and due by 5 p.m. Eastern Time, Monday, Jan. 19.
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The Week’s “What Next?” Contest

THE WEEK (motto: All You Need to Know About Everything That Matters) is a great weekly news magazine. We love it. It’s full of great writing from all over the world.

Well, last week on the last page they added something new, a contest. The prize was one year’s subscription to The Week. We were asked to come up with the opening (first five sentences or so) of a romance novel starring Sarah Palin. I entered but didn’t win. Their winner is here.

Here are my and Mary’s entries:

Sarah whispered into his ear, “I thought guys like you were only in, you know, books. Not only can you can field strip and clean a Glockenspiel TRX-7 assault rifle, but you know about my, well. . . everything, even my plumbing.” She winked.

“Yeah, well, when you’ve watched Red Dawn as many times as I have, you learn a thing or two about guns.” He fished his plumber’s snake into Sarah’s cleaning outlet. “And plumbing’s easy. You don’t need a fancy license or nothin’. Just have to know that water seeks its own level.”

Sarah moved closer. “Just like me and you, huh?”


* * *

“If it were wrong, why would God make it feel so good?” Sarah bit her lip and fiddled with the top button of her blouse. “I mean, God does work in really mysterious ways doesn’t he?”

Joe set the toilet on top of the wax ring. “I guess so.”

“Say you don’t know, Joe.” She winked into the mirror. “Sure he does. How else would I have been given a charge card with unlimited credit for my new wardrobe? God knew I needed it.”

=============================================================

On to this week’s contest, “the next dumb study.” If you’re interested, entries are emailed and due by 5 p.m. Eastern Time, Monday, Jan. 19.
=============================================================

Conundrum for the Day

I listen to the podcast of National Public Radio’s Only A Game. The other day I heard a story about the collecting of stories for The Best Sportswriting of 2008. This set me to wondering, given that, whether we writers mean to or not, we use sexual symbols in our prose (see my previous post – I Think About Baseball When I Write), do sportswriters think about sex when they write about baseball?

I Think About Baseball When I Write

Crawford Killian has an interesting post about “Sexual symbolism in fiction“. Mr. Killian taught writing (if memory serves, though it might have been English Composition) at Capilano College for forty years and has written several novels. What brought the subject up was he had commented on the passing of Michael Crichton and how Crichton had been blatant in his use of sexual symbols. A commenter said, basically, “hogwash.” The post was his response.

I recommend the complete post. I liked his summary:

[Y]ou’re always going to write about sex, whether you intend to or not. Sex is a symbol for the basic human society, what Vonnegut called the “Republic of Two.” And the symbols you use—Room 101, a wizard’s walking-stick, a rose, a 9mm Glock—will tell your readers a lot about your story…and maybe about you as well.

It’s all enough to make Jane Austen blush, or perhaps she knew.

In other news, Andy Borowitz asks How Big Is Obama’s Package?