Episode 4…Back, as if by magic (because it certainly wasn’t popular demand), the latest Harry Splutter installment. Note the latest title. Still a work in progress…
Harry grabbed Hermione’s hand and yanked her down the up escalator. No matter how fast they ran, they couldn’t make any headway down. Finally, a knot of witches and wizards traveling to a seminar on Microbrewing (of potions) in Pasadena forced Harry and Hermione off the escalator.
They ducked as the now underpantsless witches attempted to grab the two young spellers. The security witches became entangled in the knot of travelers. Harry and Hermione galloped away down the stairs, which were much easier to negotiate.
Outside the terminal, they took a breather.
“I wonder what Bumblebore would do,” wondered Harry with a slight frown on his face.
A pile of newspapers rustled on a park bench. A homeless guy dressed in fraying purple robes and a moth-eaten Washington Wizard’s ball cap got up rather wobbly then fell back over.
“Bumblebore!” they shouted incredulous at their lack of good fortune.
“Huh? Wh-what do you want, you filthy urchins?” said the disheveled wizard as he shambled to his feet.
“Who you calling filthy? You swill drinking boozehound?” cried Hermione indignantly, shaking with rage. The locket with the Horcrux throbbed with contentment from its place between her bosoms.
“Tis but a silly figure of speech child from an addled old wizened wizard,” the wizened old wizard chided soothingly. “Pay me no mind.”
“That’s bloody more like it,” Hermione said sotto voce so that only Harry heard it.
“Bumblebore,” began Harry.
The ancient wizard rooted around in his robes; his tongue moving from side to side and his eyes unfocused skyward as he obviously looked for something within and rearranged something else in the front.
“Bumblebore—“
“You said that Harry,” said Bumblebore as he wrenched a lit stogie from his voluminous robes.
“Bumblebore—“
“No wonder these stories are so damned long,” sighed Bumblebore. “You want to know where to find the other Horcruxes, which in the made up Latinate that we use should be Horcruxii.” Bumblebore used the end of Hermione’s still sparking wand to re-light the cigar, which seemingly by magic, had gone out. He held her hand several heartbeats too long.
Hermione yanked her hand away and stomped off to find the little witches’ room to wash.
Bumblebore sighed. “Am I right?” he asked disinterestedly as he watched Hermione stomp away. He elbowed Harry in the ribs. “She does fill those robes out nicely, eh, Harry.”
Nullius in Verba 
Since Alan’s site (see my sidebar for a link) has no way of commenting, I will do so here. It’s over 110 in Phoenix. All I can say is this has been one of the mildest Augusts here that I can remember. Often, August here will exceed 100. Today, I’m betting it won’t rise above 80.
Sorry, I just had to say that I feel great.
Nice weather if you can get it.
Nice Norm. Real nice.
Glad to help in any way I can to get traffic to your site ( http://www.alanhutcheson.com ).
Traffic lately is pretty well comprised of you, Lexi, an occasional visit from the Googlebot, and the odd person (and I do mean odd) looking for “Samantha Brown in bikini”, “doxon (it seems to be a universally accepted misspelling of dachshund) images” and the folks looking for information on how to restring a patio umbrella. Amazing what an innocent file name on ones website will do to confuse a web search.
Enjoy those temps. I am jealous as can be.
Gee whiz, (or wiz) I just did my first thorough reading of your latest Harry Splutter and am I correct that Hermione is becoming an object of old man lust?
This along with the underpants references is taking you into treacherous waters.
I must say I like it.
Are you a Carl Hiassen fan? I’m almost done listening to “Nature Girl” on my daily commute. That guy is pretty darned good.
I tried reading Hiassen’s Sick Puppy but I couldn’t get into it. I do like Christopher Moore. He’s a sick man in the best sense of the word. I really enjoyed Lamb.
Bumblebore does seem to be a bit of a dirty old man, doesn’t he?
These exercise are meant to get you away from thinking about it too much and get you out of the Beta and into Alpha rhythm.
I’m just trying to channel my misspent youth of reading Mad and National Lampoon magazines.