Episode 5
“Yeah,” said Harry, “And for purposes of plot exposition I need you to explain what Horcruxii are.”
“Horcruxii are thingamajiggies that contain the whozeewhatsis of you know who—“
“Don’t get technical on me you mangy gasbag.”
“Who are you calling mangy?” asked the disheveled wizard wearing worn robes as he played with a moth eaten hole in the robe.
“Forget it. Get back to your polysyllabic dissertation. Just put it into plain English.”
“A Horcrux contains a piece of a person’s sole.”
“You mean S-O-U-L, right?”
“Whatever,” Bumblebore said making a dismissive gesture with his wand. Four cars in the loading/unloading zone were thrown into the air.
“Whoops. better put this away,” he said sheepishly. Several sheep driving by in a Renault gave him the hoof.
“Go on, get on with it,” said Harry peevishly. Fortunately for the author, Peeves was still ensconced in the the bewitching Smogworts School of Wizarding.
“Right, where was I?” Bumblebore took a moment to read the preceding page. “So, Count Wal D’Mart has—“
“Count Wal D’Mart? I thought he was Lord Wal D’Mart.”
“He was. He needed money so he pawned his title for the needed scratch and dropped down to a Count.”
“Huh. Well okay.”
“You know my boy, all this talkifying dries out the vocalization cords.” Bumblebore made disgusting smacking sounds with his lips and tongue. “D’ya s’pose we might retire over to yon libation station for a liquefied refreshment?”
“You mean go over to the bar for a drink?”
Bumblebore put one foot behind the other and did an ‘aw shucks’ move though, since it was under his robes, this was blocked from view of anyone but the omniscient narrator and a couple of mice that fell out of an inner pocket.
“Well, yes, I would love a drink,” Bumblebore said. “I would gladly pay you Tuesday for a Harvey Wallbanger today.”
By this time Hermione had made it through the line in the little witches room and washed her hands. She walked quickly toward the two wizards, that is toward Harry and Bumblebore—a length of toilet paper trailed behind her, stuck to her foot.
To be continued…
Nullius in Verba 
Hey Alan,
(sorry about this, Norm, but you know the problem with commenting on Alan’s blog)
You didn’t mention one of the great, little-remarked facts about Elvis Presley, which is that he had a perfect classical Greek face, as seen on my very favourite type of statues. You have to mentally remove the quiff, but once you have, there it is.
Awesome.
I’m not sure what a quiff is, but if it is anything akin to a fig leaf, I’m not touching it.
Maybe “Viva Las Vegas” was an unfair way to try to get a handle on the man’s appeal. Lousy script. Wooden acting. Ridiculous song set-ups. And Elvis’ patented moves made Napoleon Dynamite look like Gene Kelly. All twitchy and out of sync.
Elvis, Marilyn and John Wayne. Why not Marty Feldman?
Yesterday, was the 30th anniversary of Groucho’s death.
ANY Marx brothers movie beats an Elvis flick ANY DAY, hands down. And, Ann-Margaret’s shimmy, while excellent, is matched by many of the young women.
Though, I grant you, Ann-Margaret aces Margaret Dumont…especially in the shimmy department.
Call me Miss Picky if you like, but Marty Feldman’s eyes pointed in different directions.
Are you telling me you don’t think Marilyn Monroe was gorgeous? I’m with you on John Wayne. His appeal is a mystery to me.
Now Humphrey Bogart…
You make my point regarding Marty Feldman. Eyes that not only pointed in different directions but bugged out at all times! Add to that a hump that magically relocates from scene to scene and you have my definition of a movie god right there.
Marilyn was something else, especially in “Some Like it Hot”. But given the choice I would rather spend time with Ginger Rogers, Jean Arthur or Donna Reed, amongst others.
I shall have to revisit “Duck Soup” and “Animal Crackers” soon. And one of these days I will learn all of the lyrics to “Hello, I Must Be Going”. “Lydia the Tatooed Lady” I’ve got down pretty well.
Ginger Rogers with David Niven in ‘Bachelor Mother’ – one of my all time favourite films.
Buster Keaton in ‘The General’, that’s another one.
I shall stop this list here.