Episode 6
Ron trailed behind Hermione, whining as usual.
“Look who I found lurking about the little witches room.” Hermione said hooking her thumb in Ron Weasel’s direction.
“Shoot, don’t blame me, I don’t understand wha’ these funny runic symbols next to the doors mean.”
“You are such a weasel, Weasel,” shrieked Hermione.
“Please, my throat is parched from extemporaneousising upon Horcruxii,” Bumblebore blustered futilely, since the two kept up their incessant bickering.
“Would you two get on with it and snog or shag or something?” Harry yelled exasperatedly, in the way that JK uses adverbs for every bit of dialogue.
“Well, if you’re going to be that way about it,” Hermione sniffed. “Come, Weasel.”
“Now you’re talking!” exclaimed Weasel excitedly waving his wand. He scooped up Hermione and carried her off to a dark corner in the parking garage.
“Now, where were we?” asked Bumblebore. Obviously not able to scan the previous paragraphs to find his place.
“Drink, the Horcruxii,” moaned Harry.
“I know the way.” Bumblebore charged off across the street. Cars magically missed him by inches. Harry, however, was another matter. Harry had to dodge, weave, parry, and thrust to make it to the other side.
Bumblebore shoved the double doors open like a new gun coming into the saloon. (Like that? Bumblebore & double door. Get the poetry of it all? Never mind.)
They walked into a food court filled with wondrous things—Wizard King, California Pizza Wizard, a bar that served miners (no minors allowed), McWizards, Long John Wizards, Dunkin’ Dowitch, and Starbucks.
Bumblebore wiped off a table with his robe sleeve making the table dirtier than it had been though less crowded. Cups and paper plates went flying magically to the floor.
To be continued….
Nullius in Verba 
This is picking up speed.
Carry on this way, and who knows, it could turn into a hugely-popular seven-volume work and make you richer than you’d ever dreamed of.
You could buy your own forest.
Just concentrate on those adverbs. Your prose is a little deficient in that respect.
You just know that somewhere someone is making, or has already made, a pornographic version of the Harry Potter stories.
Makes one sad to have lost the opportunity to be the first.
I like your “Bored of the Rings” type take on it.
Are you finding these no holds barred writing exercises beneficial ?
Do you get Writers Digest mag? This months issue is excellent.
alan
Lexi, I will strive mightily to increase the adverbs exponentially.
Alan,
the wand references are so obvious that even HP7 came close to risqué. Hermione has wand envy (if Sigmund Freud is to be believed).
The exercises are useful. By going so fast the inner critic just can’t keep up. You try to concentrate on only one thing e.g. person vs person. Then later you can add or embellish with other pieces that you’ve written.
I subscribe to Writers Digest and The Writer. WD just came. Which article(s) do you like best?
I’m glad the Harry Splutter flings are useful. I find the same thing with the Cookenflagens. When nothing is riding on it, it makes a world a difference. Then it is a matter of carrying that headlong rush over to the “real” stuff. The head games we play with ourselves, eh?
In Writers Digest so far (I need to go back and reread the whole thing) I like the article by Jodi Picoult about being your own publicist; “Sling Your Own Web” by J.A. Konrath (I can’t stand his fiction writing, but he has done a fine job of setting himself up as an authority on self promotion and the generating business part of the business); the “Literary Legends” article has made me want to buy the book; “The Silent Type” about the damned 24 year old author James Boice who is doing a Greta Garbo number in defiance of what Picoult and Konrath tell us must be done; and finally the fiction section in the Writer’s Workbook, which has some neat stuff regarding character creation.
Guess I’d better try to get closer to the finish line with “The Baer Boys”. I’m still knocked out by these next-day responses.
On Konrath, I have the same reaction. I like his websites tips–funny and effective. I bought Whiskey Sour and made it to where the protagonist’s partner is eating the candy and lost my nerve. I couldn’t read anymore.
I always read Kevin Alexander’s This Writer’s Life first.
Have you made big changes to The Baer Boys from what is on YWO?
Just teensy stuff as I go through the beginning ONE MORE TIME before putting it in its first envelope and sending to NYC. The version on YWO (and my website) is 99.9% the latest draft.
It’s the last 55,000 words that need work.
Ah well. I won’t be bored, that’s fer sure.
I like Kevin Alexander too. I do wish they had a regular columnist who was severely middle-aged, working a “real” job and trying to find his or her way into the publishing world.
Hey, maybe I should apply!
Apply now! What exactly do you have to lose?
You know, I’ll do it! But first I’m getting my hair kinked like Jodi Picoult.
Actually, I more than have my hands (and brain and deepest inner being) full trying to finish the book.
Does Kevin Alexander have a day job?
I think he’s a freelancer (a lancer for hire)and an MFA student.
Did you get your hair permed in the early 1980s?
Nope, I just let it grow and I naturally had big hair. A perm would have made it impossible to go through most doorways.
My good friend did the perm thing in his twenties when the hair started to thin a bit (I don’t think that will ever happen to me. Thin body, mondo hair). He caught a fair amount of flack about it, but did it for several years before saying “The heck with it.”
Time to read the latest Harry Splutter episode.